This is for the woman I was four years ago; this is what I looked for then, and didn't find. I'm not even sure if there's an audience for it -- if you enjoy it, please let me know. If I'm the one writing, this is where an honest intro to Game, for women, starts.
You are a woman.
For a long time -- perhaps without even realizing it -- you've been searching, and this search is rooted in the knowledge that what you see in human relationships around you is needless and purposeless chaos, a happy accident when it works and a human tragedy when it fails.
You have a conviction that the social world works in a consistent and orderly way, that human action follows principles that can be understood and predicted. When you talk about this, people will probably get angry without realizing why. They will probably not understand.
This may make you feel alone.
You've listened to what your family tells you and what your friends tell you and what the media tells you about being a woman: what you should want, how to get it, what constitutes correct and incorrect action. Very little of what your family tells you and your friends tell you and the media tells you has any ring of truth.
You may not be unhappy, but you know there's more. And you're right. What you're looking for exists; finding it will make you wiser, more confident and more effective. But no-one will support your search, and for the most part you will be searching alone.
Being rational is a lonely business.
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6 comments:
There's even more.
The changes you make in yourself, most people will never, ever see. They will only see what they want to see.
Very glad to see you back.
-d
Kahala:
Once again, you're assuming a great deal about how I view and process the world. You wouldn't happen to *be* the anonymous poster who replied to 'Relationships as Patterns,' would you? Because if so, it's ok to identify yourself here - and I'd swear I detect a certain familiar, patronizing tone.
Re: Your comments on thinking like a man -
Please don't waste my fucking time. In all seriousness, this is not some 'neg' or 'amog'. You have promise as a commenter with what seems to be an agile mind, but an agile mind only goes so far.
I think the way I do, in large part, because I love the way it feels to put ideas together. When I'm not spending me-time thinking, I'm out in the world living my life; I process in aggregate, not moment-by-moment.
Incidentally, there are practical ways to not feel the kind of loneliness I'm talking about anymore. They don't involve not thinking.
In response to your other comments -
I don't put value judgements on any sort of feeling. That's not how I operate. Feelings are feelings; they happen spontaneously in response to life. If anything is a valid target for judgement, it's our actions - what we do with those feelings.
The criteria by which it's appropriate to judge actions are something of interest to me, but not the kind of thing I expect you'd find value in; I will refrain from discussing here, though I'll note - in passing - what I considered telling 'anonymous' from 'Relationships as Patterns':
If you're interested only in my practical, tactically applicable thoughts...
Don't read my blog.
I whittle down my ASF posts to be useful for community guys. Here, I write what I'm interested in.
"criteria appropriate to judge actions"
If you do this then that's what people will do to you.
And I'm sure you're already feeling you get more judgment from others than you're comfortable with.
In psychology it's called projecting.
My comments are merely for my own amusement.
Just like your blog is for your own amusement.
I'm very sensitive and you have hurt my feelings with your harsh criticism.
All I wanted was to be a good commenter and accepted by you.
You are so cruel.
This post is perfect but why limit it to women? Don't you suppose plenty of men are in the same boat? Actually no, not plenty, only a very few (INTJ's make up less than one percent of the population) but we're there.
Worst of all, in a relationship many rational "truths" as we understand them can be absolutely devastating to loved ones with minds wired differently than our own (sort of like you're Rogue from X-Men.) Lonely indeed.
I continue to enjoy my discovery of this blog.
Love your stuff. Please keep writing.
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